Mid life crisis' effect on relationships

A mid-life crisis can have disastrous consequences on a relationship, particularly when the person who is going through a mid-life crisis refuses to accept it and deal with (either through counseling from an expert or through his/her own efforts with the help of websites/books/videos). Our analysis shows that women have an easier time dealing with mid-life crisis because they are better equipped to deal with emotional issues, are more likely to accept human weaknesses, and can be less shy about seeking professional help.

But what can a woman do when her (macho) husband refuses to admit the (possible) existence of a problem and seek help. Tina, a 42-year old woman in Springfield, Massachusetts, is in a situation where her husband seems to be suffering from midlife crisis and will not seek help. She asks, "Do I let him flounder and find his own way? I am going to counseling by myself to help me handle his midlife crisis. Any suggestions?"

First of all, there is no agreement among experts about the existence of mid-life crisis and its implications. Several psychologists have found that 70-80% of men may go through a mid-life crisis but other experts completely deny the existence of any such thing. Some believe that mid-life crisis has mainly psychological causes while others argue that it is a result of hormonal changes in later years. Other experts hold the opinion that typical symptoms often associated with mid-life crisis have other causes. It is also worthwhile to point out that male menopause is another term that is often used to describe symptoms similar to mid life crisis. The controversy exists, however, whether these two are one and the same thing.

Secondly, whether midlife crisis exists or not, it is very common for both men and women to feel different about their lives after they have reached a point where they have made some achievements (thus, the complacency and lethargy) but are frustrated with so many other things that they have not achieved (thus, the tendency to commit adultery, buy a Porsche, develop a casual attitude towards life/work, etc.).

What can a wife do when her husband suffers from a mid life crisis?

1. Accept the reality. Men, in general, tend to be defensive about their personalities and anything that can even remotely suggest a weakness, is hard for them to accept. Thus, they are unlikely to seek professional help because, in their opinion, that amounts to acceptance of a weakness.
2. Be supportive rather than try to ridicule their behavior or make them feel ill. Not many men will react positively if you tell them that they suffer from a midlife crisis. The term has a rather negative connotation (particularly with the word 'crisis' at the end).
3. Rediscover your husband as a friend and lover. Spend time each week, even if it's just a few hours, away from children and distractions. This may be a great time to bond with him and provide the support that he needs from you. This may also prevent his seeking that support from a younger woman.
4. Try to at least think about what he is proposing to do rather than brushing it off as a mid-life crisis fantasy. So if he wants to travel to Africa or learn scuba diving, it is better to come up with a more realistic goal than to laugh it all off. Or you might actually want to join the fun.
5. As Tina is doing, regardless of whether your husband gets help or not, if you think you need help, get it.

Related article: How to spot signs of and manage mid life crisis?